Journeys

(Originally dated 25th May 2020)

There was a time when the thought of journeys made me nothing but happy

They were all about packing bags, getting ready for something new, something I looked forward to

And not about leaving things behind, giving up on what I thought I had.

They were about smiling goodbye’s and “see you soon”’s 

And not about the tears behind the smile or knowing it’s never going to be the same again

They were about the new places, the new people and new memories I’m hoping to make

And not about the places and people who’ll remain forever in the memories they’ve gifted 

They were all about moving forward, and I did, just like you.

Why am I now reminded of the times when she made me laugh so hard?

The way in which she would lighten the whole room up so effortlessly never failed to surprise me

Bringing each other’s favourite food for lunch the next day was our way of peace making

All those classes when we took turns to make sure we don’t fall asleep 

Random rides in your bike talking about life and all

Good old days when we were kids, or were we? I’m not very sure.

When it was time to leave, when sarees and blazers said adieu,

I didn't know I would wish I'd never left her.

As we stood there waving, the rumbling of the train slowly faded until we couldn’t hear it anymore

I could see tears running down my little brother’s cheeks

Well, his buddies were leaving, what else could I expect?

I, on the other hand, didn’t want my cousins to see their big sister crying, obviously.

It’s been almost a year now, and I must admit that at times I imagine three voices screaming “chechi” in unison,

Storming into the room, maybe to team up against me in a fight, which I never won,

Or to put an end to whatever I was doing, or to proudly showcase their new handicrafts/inventions

Now as I see them growing through a laptop screen instead, the selfish me can’t help but wish the train never left. 

Journeys are about moving forward, and I did, just like you.

But, I’m taking a moment to pause and look back

And what I see makes me smile and so I move forward, just like you.